Now, I have nothing against my aunt. She’s a perfectly nice person, and lives several states away. However, something about it just takes the shine out of having an active facebook social life. I understand that you are supposed to keep your profile nicely groomed in case of potential employers or the parole board. And I’ve managed to keep beer pong table cameos to a minimum. I’ve de-tagged most pictures that clearly show me in a state of inebriation. I’ve even gone back and removed many status updates that seemed somewhat irresponsible in hindsight. Unfortunately, one cannot underestimate the speed at which good family gossip travels. Now that everyone is mobile uploading their drunken antics within moments of the questionable activities, there’s simply no time to react. To be honest, I didn’t even know I went to Foxfield last year until I saw myself in attendance all over facebook.

Before you start telling me about how you can create groups and limit what they can view, and blah blah blah. I know. I’ve heard it. I recently dated a girl that tried several times to explain how to do it, but as she can attest… I have the attention span of a chipmunk on methamphetamines. It has taken me 15 minutes just to write this paragraph because shiny cars keep driving past my window. So, for lack of sweet facebook hacking skills… my profile is pretty much all or nothing. I guess I have figured out how to block people on chat, but that’s just a simple drag and drop. This leaves me with only the stall tactic. I can ignore the invite forever, but I see the other members of my immediate family accepting it; and gradually my keeping her in facebook limbo becomes more and more apparent.

What do you guys do when you receive the inevitable relative request? I know quite a few people that seem to get a wallpost or status comment every single day from a parent. In fact, some of those people put some of the sluttiest and most questionable content on their pages. I like to think that their parents cry a lot. You can’t un-read how your daughter *really* uses that fancy showerhead you got her for Christmas. Nor can you un-see her taking body shots off of a complete stranger (This almost segues into another favorite topic of mine, “How facebook is making your attention whore daughters really step up their game”).

One trend that I’m seeing more often these days is the pseudonym account. Apparently, I’m friends with television stars, communist dictators, and people that are suddenly going by a different last name. Is this the last ditch effort? Were those people right all along? I don’t know. It just seems like too much effort to start over.

And on the flipside of things… how do the parents feel about this? Is this not the ultimate in overbearing? My life constantly proves to me that ignorance is bliss, so I feel like friending your hormonal offspring is like opening Pandora’s box. I have a pretty good idea of who our readership is here. I mean, there are only about six of you. Is there a lurker out there that has a child old enough to have a facebook account? Was it worth it? Do you feel like you ruined your kid’s good time, or did they just crush your hopes of what little Johnny/Samantha might amount to some day?