TXTNLY

Automated response generator seeks harem of digital bot women.
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Hello! My name is Brock Maplechest 3.2, international man of mystery, alligator wrestler, philanthropist and your next dream lover. Lately I have not been getting quite enough spam to auto-reply to in an endless recursive loop of “sexy flirty” emails. As Brock Maplechest 3.0, I was never in short supply of bot women to redirect to porn, spam and phishing sites, but with the upgrade, my grammar chip was greatly improved, and it seems that people now seem to think I am real. This simply will not do. My bot harem is in desperate need of a refill. I am down to my last three “Kristi’s” for crying out loud. So I turn to you, oh Cville M4W, last oasis of possible “20 year old Tiffanies, the bikini models who just would really like to have a ‘fun time’ with an older guy, but can only send you my hot pix if you respond with your bank info for my safety” in this whole digital desert of long shot desperation, broken dreams and waning creativity.

You have been there for me in the past. My server is local, but I will re-host my software in “Casual Encounters > Nigeria” if I have to, so dire is the situation. So please. Fake me out with blind links, bad grammar and pictures stolen from some Norwegian Facebook user’s profile. I promise I will return the favor and hit you with my best photoshopped celebrity pix, mysterious snippets of code and spyware.

As always, ‘your’ pic gets ‘mine’, and please put your social security number in your response so I know you are real. Can’t wait to hear from you! *wink*

~Brock.

Hi there! I am just a normal guy looking for a sane woman for companionship. You see, I have been really rather lonely since my dog died a month ago. He (Old Winkler) is not back from the taxidermist yet, and the house seems just so, well, empty. Sure I have all of my previous pets stuffed and placed about the house, but they are never as comforting as the most recent living one, you know? I probably shouldn’t have used my cousin Rodolphus’ taxidermy service again. Sure its cheap, because we are vaguely related, but he tends to go on benders which leads to both tardiness and often confusing results. Heck, I still don’t know why he thought he could pass off a abbreviated doberman’s leg when he stuffed Old Pickler. Old Pickler was a sheep dog for crying out loud! How do you lose a leg? I’d laugh about it if I weren’t so horribly lonely and desperate. Well, that and the fact that I too lost one of my legs (knee down) in a freak row boating accident. Let me just say that those flat things on the end of an oar are called “blades” for a reason. I often use my prothesis to cover Old Pickler’s alien grafted limb, as it really gets to me. But once the prothesis is on Old Pickler, I am somewhat limited to hopping, so I usually just sit in my Miami Dolphins commemorative Inflatable Laz-E-Boy and brood. God damned Rodolphus and his gin soaked flights of furry fancy. I just hope against hope that Old Winkler comes back in tact, and soon. I miss his growly face.

Which is why I am posting this ad. I need a nice sane woman for long hops on the veranda, dusting a menagerie of glassy eyed former best friends, and helping me pickle cabbage, which is a big pass time of mine. Did you know you can bury a cabbage throughout the winter, dig it up and its good as new! Well, they get a little dirty, but I didn’t skimp when it came to buying a pressure washer, I can tell you what! 600 psi on the sharp nozzle will clean a cabbage right up. I know a lot about cabbage, but if its not “one of your things” well, thats ok. I mean, I guess. The kraut can be out. So please be sane and not crazy at all. Between my Aunt Croutessa, and the conjoined twins Lessi and Ricky, I am up to my armpits in crazy women. They live in the trailer next door, and boy if its not one thing its another. You’d think it was a crime to burn old cabbage husks in the yard the way they go on about it. I guess the sweet pungent aroma doesn’t strike every one similarly. Still, its one thing to dislike a smell and quite another to shoot paintballs at crippled man while screaming in that Germanic devil language. You’d think Old Lefty and Righty (my nickname for the twins) would be a worse shot, seeing as the share a torso, but man, they are dead eyed from 100 yards. And paintballs sting when they hit you in a boil.

Yes so please be sane. Very very sane. Because I am just a normal guy. A very very lonely normal guy.

Oh and, knowledge of ointments, salves and unguents is a big plus! I tell you why later..

Cant wait to hear from you!