I also remember when this site had content.

What do you remember?

Weekend schmeekend, I have been whacked out of my gourd on percocet for like 4 days now, so it doesn’t matter what day of the week it is. And no, before all you heads who think I just stumbled into a scrip and am taking a holiday from reality rush to judge me (god damn I hate that – will you guys please stop that), I must state unequivocally that there is medical need. Seems one of my choppers went horribly south last week. Some little infective agent snuck under a crown and started a pain party in my jaw. So I, with great trembling of spirit, dialed my dentist’s digits.

Ah, my dentist. I chose him a while back as he offered this new thing called “sedation dentistry”. Seeing as I am not a huge fan of the whole dentist experience, the word sedation seduced me in ways that I could not resist. I could not really afford it at the time, but my fears played skeeball with my financial reasoning and off I went. Now sedation dentistry involves pills, not anesthesia. I believe the pills are called “halcyon”, but I am not sure. One wakes up, takes a pill every hour until one is blissfully catatonic in the chair of despair. This is why you need a ride to and from, which I had obtained. Of course, owing to my terror, I had also instructed the surgeon to give me nitrous, novacaine… basically everything he had on hand. This was a mistake.

I awoke in my house some six hours later, a bit sore and definitely confused. But I had had the work that needed to be done done, so I figured all is well. Well, all was well until I went in to the dentist’s office a couple of days later to arrange for payment, where I was met with a chorus of barely restrained laughter by the reception staff. Upon inquiring “what the fuck?” in so many words, the truth came out. Apparently somewhere between the third halcyon pill and the nitrous I some how morphed into a fucking rock star who simply could not be kept in his chair. When left alone, my repeated tendency was to wander the halls shouting “You call this a party! For $2500 I could throw a better party than this!” and such things. Sigh.

To make matters worse, my ride decided to stop at Integral Yoga on the way home to fetch me some sort of holistic healing mumbo jumbo that she was always on about. This was a profound error in judgement on her part. I was told to wait in the car, which of course I did not. So, with my rockstar persona still in full effect, but with the added bonus of blood streaming from bits of gauze in my mouth, I entered the ashram-mart and well… lets just say that I tested their mellow. I still feel the urge to be extra polite in that joint. Jesus beezus. But where was I? Ah yes…

So I have a toothache, and I called my dentist and guess what? He is on vacation for a week! So I hunt the intertubes for a dentists, and after this barren board came up with absolutely zero help, I decided to pick the one closest to my house on google maps. This proved to be interesting. I called and they saw me that afternoon! Cool huh? So I scoobied on down to the joint, filled out my paperwork and as I did I started to notice something. The receptionist was a generic receptionist, all office and sticky paddy and whatnot. But behind her I saw one of the hygienists. God damn! She was like a swimsuit model or something, all tall and blond and radiant. And of course, flawless teeth. I took note as my gender demands that I do, and then went back to ticking off boxes of horrid maladies that I do not have. And then I saw her again… but wait, it wasn’t her! It was another totally slamming blonde marching around in a lab coat. By the end of my paperwork and xray, I had counted at least four unbelievably beautiful women manning the joint – all generically so, but en masse, quite the phenomena.

At last it was time to meet my new dentist, who at this point unsurprisingly, was a young man that looked like he walked straight off the set of a soap opera… chiseled jaw, perfectly groomed and of course teeth that looked like they were back lit by halogen lamps. What the hell is this place? Stepford dentistry? I sat there musing the fact that here I was in a brand new office park, the only tenant being the dentist – and perhaps a back room where they were genetically breeding the staff, when Doctor Mandible Von Torso gave me my options. We could save your tooth, but it will run about $3K, and it might not work. Now with a kid in college, and another about to drive up my car insurance tab, $3K, well, it isn’t in the cards – be they visa or master. How much for the straight yank, frank? Bout $150. Done deal. Body parts are cheap, ya know?

So then Dr. Van Torso has to double check his prognosis with “The Main Dentist”, who turns out to be the guy whose name is on the sign. I found this odd, but whatever. Then Von Torso says to me This is gonna be great, did you know you are my second patient. Don’t worry though, I have done plenty of residential work at UVa, and a lot of extractions in prison!” Yeah. Maybe, just maybe you should keep that little tidbit to your self. Lord. I asked about the availability of Nitrous, which I personally love, and was told that they didn’t believe in it? Come again? I assure you its real… you can buy it. No. They don’t use it. What if I bring my own? No dice. So to allay my phobic reaction to all things dental I am, you guessed it, going on the halcyon ride again. God help us all. Especially this time, when I will be in a joint that actually looks look the back stage at a rock concert, what with all the hotties running around and the psychedelic paintings on the wall.

As a footnote, on Saturday, I received a handwritten note from Dr. Von Torso thanking me for, and I quote, “having faith in him”. Really? Really? I don’t even know where to start with that one. I want science and drugs, not faith. But it seems faith is the scrip im getting…

So tomorrow, when you are just waking up, or maybe enjoying your mint-half-cap-skim-venti-mocha-wacko-cino with foam on the side, say a little prayer for yo. He’s gonna need it. And if you want to stop by midday and draw penises on my face, I am pretty sure I will be powerless to stop it. Should be a wild ride, and who knows? I could end up looking like Brad Pitt! Yeah, yeah I know… but as long as I am having faith and all that. Peace.

It will be so goddamn hot that no one will know what is going on. Some will wander around and drink. Some will have to work. Some wont even leave the house. Most of you will act inappropriately at least once and no one will forgive you. There may be pictures, maybe even video. God have mercy on us all.

Im sure there are some bands and clubs and parties and what not, but what the hell do I know? Im just a cat lady, except for the fact that I am not a lady, and I have no cats.

My advice? Stay in touch with your star player and rock it like you own it, because haters gonna hate. Twas ever thus.

Did i miss anything? Think about listing it in the comment section and then get distracted by something and forget to do so…

I’m not sure if I believe the weather forecast this week. It looks awesome outside right now, and it’s just about 100 degrees, but they say it’s going to storm all weekend? Ridiculous. Anyway, this weekend preview is so late that it’s already calling me about child support. Time to stop chit chatting and get this thing did.

Check out the weather and shows below the break!

Friday – 7/16 – Isolated T-Storms – 99/74

Saturday – 7/17- Isolated T-Storms -88/71

Sunday – 7/18- Isolated T-Storms -93/74

Friday

The Hogwaller Ramblers – Fridays After Five – 5:30PM – Free!

-I know I’ve picked on this sort of behavior in the past, but now I just kinda think it’s awesome. The Ramblers are playing 3 days of shows this weekend, and I think that’s just great. I also like the Hogwaller Ramblers, so I may be biased. I can’t not approve of a person that can make music with a washboard.

The Love Language & Drunk Tigers – The Southern – 8PM – $8/advance – $10/day of show

Saturday

The Hogwaller Ramblers  & Rose’s Pawn Shop – The Southern – 8PM – $8

-Rose’s Pawn Shop is actually the headlining band here, but screw it. It’s a Hogwaller Rambler’s weekend.

B.B. King – The Pavilion – 7PM – $33-$82

-You should go to this. If you haven’t seen B.B. King before, you need to see him once before he kicks off. I had this same theory about James Brown the last time he came to town, and he was dead within months. I’m not saying that I’m the angel of death, but I’m not not saying that either.

The Brian Patrick Band – Rapunzel’s – 8PM – $5

-A friend of mine plays pedal steel and guitar with this group, and it’s a sight to behold. Pedal steel is awesome, and you don’t find it very often. If you’re anywhere near this show, it’s definitely worth checking out.

Sunday

The Hogwaller Ramblers – Fellini’s #9 – 10PM – Free!

Lady Antebellum – The Pavilion – 7PM – $35-$45

-So… if I’ve got this right… this band is famous for a song about a booty call? Ok, maybe that’s not so bad. But still, that song is on the radio every five minutes and is a summary what’s wrong with popular country music. Meh.

Secretly Y’all: Secret Shame – Random Row Books – 7PM – $5 (suggested donation)

-Go. To. This. It’s the last SY for a couple of months, and everybody’s favorite MC may be retiring. Monday looks like it’s going to be a sick day.

What else is going on this weekend?

Ok folks, it’s time for yet another Secretly Y’all. They’re taking a month off after this one, so if you’ve been thinking about participating… the time to get your attention whore fix is now. The details are all the same: Sunday (July 18th), Random Row Books, 7PM, $5 donation, Bring a chair. I’m not exactly sure what the ‘Secret Shame’ theme means, but I’m hoping that it means we’re going to hear a bunch of really embarrassing stories. Sometimes these stories can lean to the emotional side, and I think it’s just super that everyone gets to talk about their feelings…. but I’ll tell you; I’m not sneaking in the finest bourbon $6 can buy for all that. The real gold at these things is in the embarrassing stories. The more I think about it… they’ve timed it perfectly. The theme almost guarantees all hilarious stories, and the impending hiatus adds a little bit of pressure on the folks that have been shy about participating. I’d expect this to be one of the best SY events yet.

We’ll probably be pre-gaming at W. Main, Zinc, or Continental Divide. Sunday is the last day of restaurant week, so dinner and then Secretly Y’all makes for a pretty awesome datenight. If you can get in at l’etoile, your whole night is easily within walking distance.

So, come on out and catch the Secretly Y’all crew before they break for a month. I’ve got inside info that one of the best story tellers is about to skip continent for a couple of months, so there’s a little extra pressure to catch her before she goes. And remember to bring a chair!!

This summer has been pretty awesome so far. It’s been all flipcup tournaments, truck pools, and barbecue. My favorite party of the year has yet to come, and hopefully I’ll actually pull it off before we run out of summer. I’m building an enormous slip n’ slide, and to be honest… there’s absolutely nothing safe about it. A friend of mine has volunteered his farm for the project, and the slide and ramp are dead in the middle of a huuuuge hayfield. Unless you want to walk a few hundred feet every time you want a beer, it’s going to require several coolers. That’s fine.. but a pain in the ass to maintain.

<Insert Segue Here>

Sooooo….. that brings us to yesterday, where we were all sitting around the smoker and salivating over the idea of delicious baby back rib goodness. My friend with the farm, got a call from someone trying to unload a couple of miniature donkeys. He was a bit apprehensive at first, but after a bit of crowd persuasion…. he agreed to take them on.

You see…. we have lucked our way into a solution for our little cooler versus distance problem. I propose to you…. the minibeerdonkey. It’s as easy as a couple of 5-gallon buckets and some modified saddlebags. I’m not sure if two 5-gallon buckets full of beer are too much to load onto a single mini-donkey, but we’ve got a full size donkey for proof of concept and design scaling. The next step, and possibly the more difficult one… is training the donkeys to come when you call them. I’m sure that it’ll be a couple of weeks worth of training, but donkeys are pretty smart. I have faith in them. They will help me to realize my Utopian vision of a mobile beer cooler. I long for the day that I can stand in the middle of a field, and a single whistle will bring me two coolers full of beer. I’m so excited. Like, Jesse Spano excited.

I’m also excited, because I might have to walk one of these things on the downtown mall. There are way bigger dogs on the mall, so I don’t see why I shouldn’t be able to bring a donkey. If nothing else, it will be a lot of fun driving around town with a donkey leaning his head out of the Jeep windows.

I guess that was only really one, maybe two uses for a miniature donkey. What else can you guys think of?

Ohhhhhh Thank God, it’s the weekend! This week has been craziness. Unfortunately, there won’t be much time to slow down, because things are finally coming back to life in this town. There are no less than 3 great shows this weekend, and at least one awesome thing to do each day. The weather looks a little iffy, and I checked at least 3 different sites to try and find a forecast that didn’t potentially suck. As it turns out, all of the other sites use words that are more complicated than ‘Isolated T-Storms’ and ‘Sunny’, so weather.com saves the day yet again. On the upside, I checked out the hourly forecast and it looks like it’ll mostly be stiflingly humid all day, and the rain should only last an hour or two. I know we need the rain, but I’m willing to stick out one more blistering weekend just for the sake of being outside. I’ve spent the last two weekends baking in the sun while participating in flipcup tournaments, so I don’t see any reason to break that pattern now. I’m predicting much barbecuing and cup flipping.
So… check out the weather and shows below, and let us know what awesome things you’re getting into this weekend!

Friday – 7/9 – Isolated T-Storms – 94/73

Saturday – 7/10 – Scattered T-Storms – 80/66

Sunday – 7/11 – Sunny – 91/67

Friday

Trees on Fire – Fridays After Five – 5:30PM – Free!

-These guys are awesome, and this show is bound to be a lot of fun. Definitely worth checking out.

The Groove Train – The Jefferson – 8PM – $8/advance – $10/at the door

-Check out the link for this show. This looks amazing. I need bell-bottoms, a silk shirt, and an afro wig, STAT!

Ted Pitney Band – The Southern – 8PM – $8

Saturday

Southern Culture On The Skids – The Jefferson – 8PM – $15/advance – $17/at the door

-Yet another show that the promo picture alone is enough to sell me.

The New Best Recipe – The Southern – 9PM – $5

Sunday

Final Match of the World Cup – Netherlands vs Spain – ABC/The Paramount/Any bar with a TV – 2:30PM – Free!

-Ok, so it looks like there may be some ‘Supporters of the Paramount’ membership thing needed to get into that venue for free, but if you’re in that club, congrats. We don’t really have a horse in this race anymore, but I guess I could get behind the Netherlands. Those people in Amsterdam really seem to have their shit together.

Man.. things around town are getting kinda slow.  There aren’t too many events other than the standard weekly gigs at bars. It’s 4th of July weekend, so there will at least be plenty of drinking and exploding of things. But yeah… that’s about it. On the upside, the weather is going to be pretty awesome and there are a lot of private parties for the 4th. On the downside, we’re getting into the part of the summer where bars start closing for a week or more. Ventana is closed next week, and I’m sure there will be more to come.  But, getting back to the upside of things… it’s the weekend!!

Look below for the two things happening this weekend and some half-assed guesses at the weather!

Friday – 7/2 – Sunny – 81/55

Saturday – 7/3 – Sunny – 88/62

Sunday – 7/4 – Sunny – 95/69

Friday

Down Til Now – Charlottesville Pavilion – 5:30PM – Free!

Saturday

Last night before shutting down for a week – Ventana – 4PM-~3AM – $Allofyourmoneys

-This is going to be a drunkfest. Michael gets super generous on weekends like this, and everybody ends up super drunk. Get a seat. Stay late. Stumble home. Welcome to my usual weekend’s 3-step plan.

Sunday

McIntire Park Fireworks

-The city usually puts on a pretty awesome fireworks show. This year I’m going to be in a place that isn’t surrounded by 100-foot tall trees. Also, being minus one dog, I won’t have to spend the entire night consoling an animal in an extreme state of panic. I love having a dog, but the 4th of July is one of those weekends that can make it a chore. This year, it’s just me and the liquor bottle getting jiggy with it. Monday is going to be life-endingly terrible.

It’s a post-apocalyptic weekend! The town still looks like mayhem, and a lot of folks are still without power. Dominion is claiming that up to 60,000 people in the Charlottesville/Albemarle area were in the dark at one point, but now the numbers have been reduced to about 13,000. The UVA Hospital ran on backup generators all night, though I’m not sure if they’re back up and running by now. I have witnessed hundreds of people reduced to deer in the headlights when faced with a powerless stop light, and even resorted to directing traffic at a couple of intersections myself.

There’s not a ton going on this weekend, but the good news is that you’ll never have an awkward pause! Everybody that I’ve spoken to has had some crazy storm stories. You’ll never find yourself short of topics of conversation and anxiety drinking yourself into oblivion. Check out the weather and event info after the break, and let us know what kind of crazy stuff you saw in/after the storm!

!!Break!!

Friday – 6/25- Partly Cloudy – 89/68

Saturday – 6/26 – Mostly Sunny – 96/73

Sunday – 6/27 – Isolated T-Storms – 97/78

Friday

The Kings of Belmont – Fridays After Five – 5:30PM – Free!

-This is going to be one of the best FAF of the year. The band is actually worth hearing, but the acoustics suck over by the beer truck. This one might call for a path through the crowd that isn’t straight from the ticket counter to the boozemobile. The only thing that anyone is going to be talking about at this thing is the storm.

Invisible Hand – The Southern – 8PM – Free!

Saturday

Zombie Jello Wrestling – Check FB event for location – 9PM – $5

-I don’t know a ton about this event. I don’t even really know where it is, but I hear they have a location on the fb event. It should be entertaining at the very least. I fail to see the charm of the ‘zombie’ part, but I’m totally down to watch a bunch of  girls do some jello wrestling. If there is not a betting pool in place, I hope to create one.

Sunday

Jimmy Cliff – The Pavilion – 7PM – ~$35

-This is the rescheduled show, and a lot of people are pretty excited for it. I’d love to check it out, but I have other engagements.

Ladies FlipCup Tournament – 2PM – Location TBD – Free!

-I’m helping a friend of mine to coordinate this, and we’ve all been too drunk to finalize things. There is a location in mind, but we’ve still got to nail things down. Keep tuned here for location details. Per the team rules, it’s going to be 4 people per team, and your team captain HAS TO BE FEMALE. If the weather holds out, this thing could be bigger than the World Cup.

That storm was crazy! I was watching a 30 foot tree getting its ass kicked by the wind and it snapped right in front of me! Traffic lights are out all around town, and Dominion is estimating nearly 23,000 people are without power. Here are some pictures that I took while cruising around town. There’s a huuuuuuuge tree down across the railroad tracks behind the South Street Inn. They haven’t even started cutting on it yet. Hover over the pics for more info. If i get some time, I’ll upload and link some higher res images.