Well…..The cat is out of the bag. We were all really drunk on Cristal last week, and we slipped up. We let you guys know that we’re raking in that cashmoney these days.
I guess it wasn’t really a surprise for some of you. Ever since it started, I’ve been paying for my bar tabs, dinners, and grocery store trips by making it rain. And let me tell you… the money.. it doesn’t just change those that have it. It changes those that don’t, too. What’s the big deal Food Lion clerk? You were happy to make conversation back when I was paying for my beer with a credit card… but now that I’m raining paper on you at the register… you just glare contemptuously? What’s up with all the jealousy? It’s a good thing you don’t have money like this. You’d probably be really obnoxious with it.
Thankfully, we’re pretty humble people, so we’re not going to be all nouveau riche about it. If you see one of us at the bar; don’t be afraid to ask us to buy you a drink. We like to share it with the little people. At the very least, we’ll probably wad up a ball of $20’s and throw them at you or tell you to dance for it.
With all of the newfound fame, riches, and attention that we are having to deal with, some of us are hiring assistants and forming entourages. Please submit your application and list any pertinent skills below. Exotic dancing experience is a plus.
#1 by brewer998 on April 27, 2010 - 12:55 pm
Oh, yeah, and the complete lack of a gag reflex is a plus, too.
#2 by Donk on April 27, 2010 - 12:58 pm
@1
Take it easy, Seagal.
#3 by Loki on April 27, 2010 - 1:24 pm
Wow! thats how we’re kicking off the new FFA? Sure to get us some google hits for sure. I’m still not sure how we make so much money without ads. Our marketing department is really worth their weight in gold!
#4 by belmont, yo on April 27, 2010 - 1:39 pm
The sales of “belmont yo” t-shirts are huge in japan. Look for my new weight loss dvd, “Get Off Your Ass You Butterhog”, soon! Its a tough love kinda thing…
/konichiwa, bitches, all the way to saigon.
#5 by shenanigans on April 27, 2010 - 1:53 pm
Can I be let out of this room now? These handcuffs are starting to chafe and I am so sore down there. All I remember is that drink Donk gave me last night before all those dudes showed up.
#6 by brewer998 on April 27, 2010 - 2:15 pm
See now, you guys made that dirty. I was saying that working for us would revolt most people to such a degree as to induce vomiting. Lacking a gag reflex would help with that.
What the hell did you think I was talking about?
#7 by belmont, yo on April 27, 2010 - 2:21 pm
What the hell did you think I was talking about?
The magical mystical unicorn that I have never met in my life. But now we’re talking vomit, so thats all good then…
/likes dirty threads, its why the intarwebs were born. I mean, duh.
#8 by brewer998 on April 27, 2010 - 2:29 pm
Busted. I do have a folder in my personal digital dirtiness collection titled “GahGahGahGahGah”
#9 by belmont, yo on April 27, 2010 - 2:38 pm
Dude, brewer. No one keeps prOns on their hard drive anymore. Thats like so 2003.
Unless I have completely misunderstood your use of the word “personal”, in which case, rock on witcho bad self.
Good thing shenanigans is chained up, as I am sure all the women are, or are about to, flee from the thread.
/ oh yeah, rule 31. what was I thinking.
#10 by Donk on April 27, 2010 - 2:46 pm
b yo,
Now would be a really great time for some completely non-thread related link drops.
#11 by belmont, yo on April 27, 2010 - 2:50 pm
You want me to jack the thread before people start jackin *to* the thread? Let me see what I can do. Gotta be careful though, because sometimes I cross the line and folks get all
butthurt.
#12 by brewer998 on April 27, 2010 - 3:08 pm
Aw, c’mon! Like “exotic dancing” as a skill for a personal assistant wasn’t leading!
#13 by Dante C on April 27, 2010 - 3:11 pm
I can dance the tarantella- if that isn’t exotic I don’t know what is.
#14 by belmont, yo on April 27, 2010 - 3:12 pm
Utterly random pic dump”
M
A
K
E
I
T
R
A
I
N
!!!
(really gotta organize my internet ephemera folder one day)
#15 by Donk on April 27, 2010 - 3:38 pm
amazing, b yo.
#16 by belmont, yo on April 27, 2010 - 3:47 pm
Not really, but thanks. If I had any sort of organizational skill, I could do themes. That would be better. Besides I know I have weirder shit in that folder somewhere
/too much time on my hands today in this stupid cube.
#17 by brewer998 on April 27, 2010 - 3:59 pm
Amen, brutha.
#18 by Doc on April 27, 2010 - 4:10 pm
http://twitpic.com/1iwqsl
Alas, poor Mt. Chipotle, we hardly knew ye.
#19 by belmont, yo on April 27, 2010 - 4:16 pm
The Geocities-izer makes any webpage look like it was made by a 13 year old in 1996.
http://wonder-tonic.com/geocitiesizer/
/runs a bit slow, but takes me back…
#20 by Donk on April 27, 2010 - 4:25 pm
@19
Speaking of geocities… I spent a while trying to find a free use Icy Hot Stuntaz image for the FFA pic.
I failed.
#21 by belmont, yo on April 27, 2010 - 4:32 pm
The Stuntaz, eh?
Trivia: “B-Shoc” found god and the group disbanded. Freeze and Blade are working on a business degree at a Jr. College.
Im pretty sure you could grab any old image and re host it on imageshack or tinypic. I mean, they have only been shoop’d about a million times.
#22 by belmont, yo on April 27, 2010 - 4:47 pm
That reminded me… it would be cool (or would it?) if we could have a topic where everyone posts their internets tips, trixs and spoofs and whatnot. Not boring shit, but things like:
-reverse searching a jpeg’s origins (original upload)
-tricking facebook into thinking you are someone’s friend
-pulling exif data from camera phone pix
-proxies proxies proxies
-embedding data inside a jpeg
-GIS’ing pix that are named with the facebook rename format
-the beauty of the wayback machine, google streetview, and whois
-ways to combine these tricks…
Would that be fun, or grossly irresponsible?
y’know, hijinxs
#23 by Donk on April 27, 2010 - 4:50 pm
Sounds like an article-worthy topic.
It might even pull Ethan out of lurkerdom enough to either chip in or refute some of your tips/tricks.
#24 by Dante C on April 27, 2010 - 9:15 pm
Belmont Yo, what is this Facebook you are taking about? Is that what saving face is all about?
Kind of like this guy http://bit.ly/d2V25C
#25 by MzFitz on April 28, 2010 - 12:29 am
!14, I’m afraid of the first “I.” I have a tendency to fuck up my face.
#26 by phoenix on April 28, 2010 - 1:45 am
i would like to know all internet acronyms
/lay them on me.
#27 by Loki on April 28, 2010 - 8:53 am
Like this?
#28 by Donk on April 28, 2010 - 9:18 am
woot off!
#29 by belmont, yo on April 28, 2010 - 9:20 am
You should know your memes (new window) too, pheonix. I mean, while you are at it.
#30 by Donk on April 28, 2010 - 10:06 am
I just can’t believe that this isn’t an urban legend…
Catalytic Converter Theft On The Rise
#31 by phoenix on April 28, 2010 - 11:24 am
@27: thx. (that seems like a pretty extensive list)
@29: it’s easy to get sucked in to that one!
@30: my car has been sounding funny…
#32 by belmont, yo on April 28, 2010 - 11:54 am
I just imagined a body modification that I could actually get behind… would it be possible to have one’s belly button seemlessly removed? Skin graft? Stitch up? Doc?
See, this is where my brain goes when I have two gym appointments, one ortho appt, a full days work, have to cap and move a refrigerator, get ingredients for a massive sushi fest, and then stay up till 3 a.m. playing obnoxious music to an empty room – probably drinking because I just watched other dj’s sell out the jef doing basically the same thing (well, kinda…) – and then be back in this soul sucking cube at 8 a.m.
But about that belly button thing… thats at the top of my brain’s list, even though I know Id never do it. I just wanna know if i could do it, you know? Its always good to know one’s options.
#33 by shenanigans on April 28, 2010 - 12:02 pm
@32:
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/uk_news/magazine/7738144.stm
#34 by Floozy on April 30, 2010 - 9:42 am
This morning, Facebook spontaneously unhid all the people I had hidden. It was like being at a really,really bad party.
#35 by Donk on April 30, 2010 - 9:47 am
Yeah.. it did that to me like a week ago. I forgot how many people I had hidden.
#36 by belmont, yo on April 30, 2010 - 10:09 am
Heard about that on the news. Dont know what “hiding people” means, but the voice on the radio said this is yet another way to “monetize” the book of faces.
Basically, facebook is a giant marketing research focus group now. Many many corporations are quietly quantifying every little thing you like and dislike. Dunno bout you all, but it makes me feel like I need to take a shower. Apparently, you can go into your settings and reverse this, but they are banking that you wont.
What is hiding people anyway?
#37 by Donk on April 30, 2010 - 10:18 am
Hiding people just means that you don’t have to see the 35 inane status updates they post every day.
#38 by Floozy on April 30, 2010 - 10:23 am
It’s when you have friends that play Mafia Wars and Farmville and all that inane shit, so you click the ‘STFU’ button, politely termed the ‘hide’ button and their pathetic wasted hours of game playing no longer appear on your newsfeed.
You have to hold your finger at least 10″ above the button so when you hit it, there is a satisfying slappy noise, and you say something like ” Oh will you just FUCK OFF with your stupid brown eggs and fence requests for your fucking imaginary fucking farm you utter asshole.” Least I do that.
#39 by phoenix on April 30, 2010 - 10:24 am
i just hide the games people play. rather than be confronted by the fact that several people i know have nothing better to do with a few hours a day than sit around and get fairies to plant vampires, harvesting them to sell to Moscow in trade for a nuclear submarine, I hide the games.
#40 by Floozy on April 30, 2010 - 10:34 am
Cos she’s nicer than me. But then who isn’t?
#41 by belmont, yo on April 30, 2010 - 10:55 am
In that same radio piece, they said 73 million people play Farmville. Seventy. Three. Million.
Wrap your bean around that little stat nugget.
I know right? Thats almost the number of penises on chatroullette!
#42 by phoenix on April 30, 2010 - 12:43 pm
@40:
I was daydreaming and had the comment box open while i was typing and didn’t see your post before i submitted mine- i just don’t think as funny as you.
@41:
I bet that many people don’t actually know/care where their actual food comes from.
/what? McDonald’s- i know where my food comes from!
#43 by MzFitz on April 30, 2010 - 12:51 pm
I had to hit the STFU button on my cousin’s husband today because he’s wrapped up in some pyramid scheme to “lose weight fast” and “get rich quick.” It’s too bad, his butchering of the English language is always hilarious, and the pictures of the kids are cute.
#44 by Loki on April 30, 2010 - 1:16 pm
Good lord is this day moving as slowly for anyone else? Holy shit I can’t stand it.
#45 by brewer998 on April 30, 2010 - 3:21 pm
Try napping. That helps the time pass.
#46 by Floozy on April 30, 2010 - 3:24 pm
35 minutes till drinky time… there’s a bottle of liver-rot in the fridge quaking with fear. It knows it’s number is up.
#47 by shenanigans on May 3, 2010 - 9:56 am
@46: drinking again? yayyyy! save some of that liver-rot for me for Saturday!
#48 by Donk on May 3, 2010 - 12:48 pm
Wow.
http://www.c-ville.com/index.php?cat=1991704080566501&act=post&pid=12030305103650368
#49 by phoenix on May 3, 2010 - 1:14 pm
@48:
yikes.
#50 by Street on May 3, 2010 - 2:44 pm
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nfGyLU9Cb3s
Those wacky news folks!
#51 by belmont, yo on May 5, 2010 - 9:30 am
Just trying to bump down the dark topic by leaving this here.
/look into my crystal ball?
#52 by Donk on May 5, 2010 - 10:28 am
crystal ball/fb page says…..
the bear story!
#53 by belmont, yo on May 5, 2010 - 10:31 am
Bear story I have. FB page says nothing. Whats all this then?
/c’mon guys, I aint that bright… splain.
#54 by Donk on May 5, 2010 - 10:56 am
bear story, ftw.
#55 by Donk on May 5, 2010 - 12:00 pm
Oh man…
I’ve been meaning to tell you guys.
I found a new passive aggressive hobby.
A lot of you guys probably know a local concert promoter that floods your inbox with event invites. I think you have to block this person to avoid it, because I must’ve ignored 5 friend requests before I caved.
Now, I make sure to invite him absolutely everything I see on facebook.
#56 by belmont, yo on May 5, 2010 - 12:04 pm
I seem to get three a day from Ventana, which is more than whom you are talking about.
#57 by Donk on May 5, 2010 - 12:10 pm
@56
Hah, probably true. The tenacity of the aforementioned promoter in the friend request department was the big red flag for me.
/just got another invite from Ventana as I was typing this.
#58 by shenanigans on May 5, 2010 - 12:59 pm
I love that you can just hit ‘Maybe’. No commitment.
#59 by Donk on May 5, 2010 - 1:08 pm
ewwwwww…
funeral home found keeping stacks of bodies in a garage.
#60 by shenanigans on May 5, 2010 - 1:33 pm
@59: Bad timing on that linkypoo. you should delete your own comment
#61 by Street on May 5, 2010 - 1:35 pm
I will never eat sushi again!!!
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2010/05/03/man-dies-after-eel-is-ins_n_560842.html
/lies
#62 by Donk on May 5, 2010 - 1:38 pm
@61
omfg!
#63 by Donk on May 5, 2010 - 3:21 pm
The daily progress’ event calendar is such a pain in the ass. How is there no ’sort by date’?
Unfortunately, it’s the best place to get info on some of the non-music events.
#64 by brewer998 on May 5, 2010 - 3:50 pm
@61 – Holy crap! That’s horrifying… man, that guy didn’t need enemies with friends like that.
#65 by belmont, yo on May 5, 2010 - 3:59 pm
@ 61: Rectum? It actually killed ‘im!
/not my nagi, unagi.
#66 by shenanigans on May 6, 2010 - 9:59 am
b-YO! There is one of those Bell hornets in my office. Heeeeeeeeeeelllllllllllllllpppppp!
#67 by belmont, yo on May 6, 2010 - 10:18 am
Damn those bastards and their permanently distended ovipositors!
But dont worry, they are only aggressive when they are near their nest, so if there is only one, its probably not. If there is more than one, or a nest, in your office then that constitutes a hostile work environment, and you should sue.
/i say just leave it bee
#68 by shenanigans on May 6, 2010 - 11:51 am
Well, that stung. You usually give such swell advice.
#69 by belmont, yo on May 6, 2010 - 12:07 pm
Hive given better advice before, but I figured everyone would swarm in here to help you.
#70 by shenanigans on May 6, 2010 - 12:23 pm
Don’t worry honey, Paul ‘n eight of my friends are coming over to help. They heard the buzz.
#71 by belmont, yo on May 6, 2010 - 12:47 pm
They treat you like a queen! You must have really earned your stripes. And now I dont have to comb over hornet info like some sort of drone.
#72 by Donk on May 6, 2010 - 1:05 pm
http://www.engadget.com/2010/05/06/tomtom-strikes-back-with-darth-vader-voice-pack-video/
#73 by Loki on May 6, 2010 - 1:27 pm
@72 nerdgasm
#74 by brewer998 on May 6, 2010 - 2:12 pm
@72 – that is hilarious!
#75 by Doc on May 6, 2010 - 5:49 pm
More Star Wars videos in the news:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z0z_TU4Gw5o
That’s pretty well done.
#76 by Donk on May 7, 2010 - 11:24 am
Oh man…
I don’t condone this… but I do find it to be hilarious:
http://cheezfailbooking.files.wordpress.com/2010/05/aot1.png?w=497&h=447
#77 by belmont, yo on May 7, 2010 - 11:38 am
Ahhh…. Yahoo answers. A green pasture of trolls and lunatics.
#78 by belmont, yo on May 7, 2010 - 11:43 am
Also: Have you guys been made aware of the awesomeness that is Kanellos, aka Riot Dog? Well do so.
RIOT DOG!!!
#79 by shenanigans on May 7, 2010 - 11:52 am
@78: Awww, love him. I hope he doesn’t get hurt.
#80 by Donk on May 7, 2010 - 11:53 am
@78
That. dog. is. so. awesome.
#81 by Doc on May 7, 2010 - 12:32 pm
Stupid hippy dog. Why doesn’t that dog just get a damn job, man? Long-haired mongrel.
#82 by brewer998 on May 7, 2010 - 12:42 pm
@78 – that dog has more social protest impulses that most Americans. Good for him. That’s one thing I love about Europeans. We taught (or maybe reminded them) about social protest, we forgot it, and they’ve remembered.
Things would be a lot better here in the US of A if we fucked shit up a bit more often a la hardcore street protests. I mean, these Greek protesters came equipped, Jack! They had the gas masks and everything!
#83 by brewer998 on May 7, 2010 - 12:57 pm
I mean, the last time we had any good protests here where we made the cops shiver in their boots, was the Seattle WTO protests.
Notice the cop in the background of the last pic. He has a paintball gun. Those are loaded with “paint”balls that are actually filled with powdered pepper spray. The idea is when the paintball hits you and bursts it will puff out a cloud of pepper spray.
#84 by Donk on May 7, 2010 - 1:03 pm
@83
68 millimeters of pain.
#85 by shenanigans on May 7, 2010 - 1:07 pm
@83: i hear JMU be tryin to bring it back
#86 by brewer998 on May 7, 2010 - 1:12 pm
@85 – explain, please?
#87 by brewer998 on May 7, 2010 - 1:27 pm
@85 – Haha. Living in the sticks with no high speed internet or cable tv can suck @ times
#88 by shenanigans on May 7, 2010 - 2:16 pm
@87: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1vqs9eql1W8
#89 by Donk on May 7, 2010 - 2:17 pm
Wow.
This is absolutely horrible. Someone just linked this to me, and it’s worth passing along. A drug raid warrant was recently served in Columbia, Missouri and it was the definition of unnecessary force. It turned out to be an almost complete failure, and the cops shot the families’ dogs upon entry.
I advise you not to watch the video if you are…. well.. anything. I only made it to the 1 minute mark and had to turn it off.
shen, absolutely do not watch the video. You will cry. a lot.
article here.
#90 by belmont, yo on May 7, 2010 - 2:35 pm
@ 89 It was a vicious corgi though! Um.
Yeah, that popped up on the tubes a couple days ago and pretty much the whole world has been sending in death threats and hate mail to the cop shop (b posted home phones as well) . It is egregious, but that said, the video itself is not that sad, its only because you know the whole story – the context – that makes it sad.
Now this, this will make anyone weep like a child. One of the few videos on the net I couldn’t make it through due to there “being something in my eye”. I mean its kinda sweet, but very very sad.
Shen, you of all people should not click that.
#91 by Donk on May 7, 2010 - 2:43 pm
oh my god, b yo.
save us from the internet.
We’ve got to start Friday evening up on a good note.
#92 by belmont yo on May 7, 2010 - 2:57 pm
Amirite? The cop shit just made me mad.
Ok, lets all shake off the blues with some laughs then, yeah?
You
know
like
this?.
#93 by shenanigans on May 7, 2010 - 3:02 pm
Ok guys, thanks for videos that make me cry that I can’t click on. Have a good weekend.
#94 by belmont, yo on May 7, 2010 - 3:30 pm
Jeeze. Fifty funny ones and one sad one, and I get grief for the one? Would you rather I not warn you, or anyone, what is behind a link?
Its all good, I just gotta get out of this cube – its beautiful out. Time to plant sunflowers.
#95 by Street on May 8, 2010 - 12:10 am
Street likes this.
#96 by Donk on May 9, 2010 - 10:23 am
For the record: b yo is some kind of beer pong prodigy.
#97 by phoenix on May 10, 2010 - 3:23 am
am i the only one who didn’t get invited to the beer pong?
#98 by brewer998 on May 10, 2010 - 8:49 am
@96 – it was funny how he played it all “babe in the woods” and then sunk his first two shots!
#99 by brewer998 on May 10, 2010 - 8:53 am
@96 – and as was clearly written on the table… the game is called bing-bong
#100 by Donk on May 10, 2010 - 9:04 am
@97
Definitely not. It was just a small thing at my house. A lot of folks were unaware.
@99
Bing Bong is just the brand name of a manufacturer of regulation tables.
#101 by brewer998 on May 10, 2010 - 9:19 am
@100 – I know, I know. It just should be called bing-bong, is all.
#102 by Donk on May 10, 2010 - 9:21 am
@101
Heh… did you hear what turned up missing? I wasn’t sure it was for serious when I first got the text.
#103 by brewer998 on May 10, 2010 - 9:24 am
I did! Was that found?
#104 by Donk on May 10, 2010 - 9:27 am
Nope. Not found (yet). If it was found in the skreet, it has probably been repurposed for thug life.
#105 by shenanigans on May 10, 2010 - 10:22 am
Have you two heard of texting? It’s so that you can have private conversations with each other.
#106 by brewer998 on May 10, 2010 - 10:23 am
Yeah, da skreets never have a shortage of demand for such items, yo.
#107 by Donk on May 10, 2010 - 10:29 am
http://www.ordertopia.com/shop
^^^ Awesome new service! ^^^
#108 by Donk on May 10, 2010 - 1:47 pm
Hey! Has anyone ever chartered a deep sea fishing boat off of OBX?
Charter boat recommendations?
Thanks!!