Warning: any comments in this FFA that follow a cohesive pattern or structure will be deleted. I’m recently single and the dating pool has never looked shallower. Is this going to be a crazy spring or what? I predict that you will all either be pregnant or married by May. And not by me. I’m just saying….
#1 by Space Buick on March 9, 2010 - 3:02 pm
I predict the shallow dating pool will make that task far harder than originally assumed.
#2 by Loki on March 9, 2010 - 3:10 pm
I don’t know why I wrote shallow dating pool. There are more women in this town than men. I’m also not sure what I meant by shallow. I should probably finish my coffee before I write stuff or let Donk do it.
#3 by Space Buick on March 9, 2010 - 3:14 pm
Because more women than men doesn’t mean shit. Someone wrote it* before me, but I’ll say it again: they’re not holding up their end of the bargain.
* “it” was written about men; maybe it’s true both ways.
#4 by belmont yo on March 9, 2010 - 3:56 pm
I am not sure exactly what this conversation is about, but I am sick of being single too. Somewhere along the line I lost my mojo and became some sort of freak hybrid between gentleman and idiot. Which means I better get used to it. Damn. I mean, stella got her groove back right? Stupid bitch.
Oh and… Who’s not holding up their end of the bargain? The XX’s or XY’s?
#5 by Street on March 9, 2010 - 5:43 pm
Thus, they took my tin foil hat and converted it into the works of Shakespeare.
Shit! I just lost The Game.
#6 by Donk on March 9, 2010 - 8:49 pm
Meh.
The dating pool in this town isn’t so bad. It’s just cliquey, so it can be tough to break into new crowds. The problem is moreso that the dating pool is incestuous. Word travels fast, but that can sometimes be a good thing.
Do what I do; Get your hair cut and rediscover the corner. It’s a magical place.
And best FFA title ever.
Loki. You complete me.
#7 by belmont yo on March 10, 2010 - 9:00 am
As a rule, a man’s a fool
When its hot, he wants it cool,
when its cool, he wants it hot,
always wanting what is not.
#8 by shenanigans on March 10, 2010 - 11:39 am
Wow, it’s a real sausage party in here
#9 by belmont yo on March 10, 2010 - 11:47 am
We prefer the term “sword fight”. But yes. Yes it is.
/there are no girls on the internet.
#10 by shenanigans on March 10, 2010 - 11:51 am
You are all very charming wonderful handsome menfolk. Now get out there.
#11 by belmont yo on March 10, 2010 - 11:56 am
Out where?
Im out giging at least 3 nights a week. I get the people all hot and sweaty and horny, and then watch them pair off and bolt to their love den for the night, leaving me standing with a bunch of boxes and wires.
Bitter? Who me?
#12 by Floozy on March 10, 2010 - 12:02 pm
Get a T-shirt made with “Will someone please fuck me” written on it. Although perhaps you shouldn’t wear it to Escafe… what with…well you know…
/Direct Marketing.My strength.
#13 by belmont yo on March 10, 2010 - 12:12 pm
The funny thing is, i have lost two girlfriends in the past five years at least in part because of the “dj’s are sluts” reputation, but I have yet to get laid because of spinning even once. Not once.
I dont think Im ready for the begging stage yet, so ima wait on the t shirt. Maybe something more subtle.
Thing is, when I hated love and was a complete asshole, this shit was never a problem. Now that I am a gentle idiot, im a hermit. What gives with girls liking being mistreated by unavailable men? I suppose your milage may vary.
Good guys finish last, indeed. Time to harden the heart up a bit.
#14 by shenanigans on March 10, 2010 - 12:17 pm
Girls don’t want the DJ at a gay bar. Maybe if you spun at the Box, you’d get your dick in a box.
#15 by belmont yo on March 10, 2010 - 12:30 pm
I havent even been to the box, is it even open?
Thats XSV’s turf. Doncha know we all have our own little fifedoms? Jeyon’s trying to hook me up with some ‘opening for weird bands coming to town’ type gigs, so…
Plus, Im trying to create an actual narrative show on three turntables and some other equipment, but thats a long way off.
God Im bored as fuck at work today. Calgon! Take me away!
#16 by shenanigans on March 10, 2010 - 12:33 pm
Here B yo, wear this:
http://store.northshoreshirts.com/youknyouwame.html
#17 by Floozy on March 10, 2010 - 12:38 pm
@16… oooh there’s one that says ‘Randomly Bitchy’. Shame it’s too late to get it shipped for your birthday.
#18 by Dante C on March 10, 2010 - 12:47 pm
I wonder if they sell many of their t-shirts that say” I’m Already Visualizing The Duct Tape Over Your Mouth ”
I’ll just get it over with ans order ” A Constant Source of Disappointment”
#19 by belmont yo on March 10, 2010 - 1:26 pm
How about this one:
http://www.tshirthell.com/funny-shirts/hopeless-romantic-seeks-filthy-whore/
#20 by shenanigans on March 10, 2010 - 1:38 pm
Should I be disturbed that this one is available up to 5XL?
http://www.tshirthell.com/funny-shirts-stock/fuck-me-its-trendy/
#21 by belmont yo on March 10, 2010 - 2:01 pm
Yes. Be afraid. Be very afraid.
A person with that shirt on in 5x has a 78% chance of having truck nuts on his bumper, and a hand gun in the glove box.
#22 by shenanigans on March 10, 2010 - 2:50 pm
Eeek.
@ Loki: I have a lady friend you should meet. Come to X lounge Friday night
#23 by Donk on March 10, 2010 - 2:51 pm
I believe that if it were possible to corner the market on certain sized clothing; McDonalds should take the XXL to 8XL segment. They could give them away for free, because they would just be enormous walking billboards. Billboard truck, my ass. You’ve gotta hit your target market.
#24 by Loki on March 10, 2010 - 3:12 pm
@22 thanks shen it sounds like fun! Alas I won’t be here this weekend – I’m skipping town for a couple days. My baby mama is trippin’.
#25 by belmont yo on March 10, 2010 - 3:19 pm
Sumpin goin on at x this friday?
I have that nite off by miracle. Some gay doctors are fly a dj in from SF and all I have to do is set up my rig…. then I can wander around til two.
#26 by Dante C on March 10, 2010 - 6:28 pm
Setting up your “rig” in front of a room of gay docs sounds…interesting
#27 by belmont yo on March 11, 2010 - 2:35 am
If i were gay, I would be rich. Nuff said.
#28 by Street on March 12, 2010 - 2:23 am
Dough – the stuff that buys my beer
Ray – the guy that serves me beer
Me – the one who drinks my beer
Fall – all the way to the john
So – I’ll have another beer
La – I’ll have another beer
Tea – No thanks I’ll have a beer
And that brings me back to d’oh!
#29 by shenanigans on March 12, 2010 - 10:59 am
B yo- party at X Lounge 10-2
#30 by rhymes with orange on March 12, 2010 - 1:36 pm
BORED.
Can’t even start a ruckus on cVillain. Still wearing a scarlet “S”.
#31 by Dante C on March 12, 2010 - 3:28 pm
Cvillian is still alive? I was told it was part of the undead because they had already eaten all the BRAINS!
#32 by Street on March 14, 2010 - 1:13 pm
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PWhxCB0ndJE
#33 by Street on March 14, 2010 - 3:05 pm
Help bring fiber optic cable to cVille!
http://cvillegolong.com/
#34 by Donk on March 14, 2010 - 9:06 pm
Fuck. You. Collier’s. Towing.
I left my car behind West Main. Checked 30 minutes later. Gone.
If I’m not busy next week, I’d be thrilled to start a smear campaign. $120 CASH (they wouldn’t accept any other form of payment) for 30 minutes of towing.
I know the guy was just doing his job, but I still bitched him out. Ridiculous.
#35 by Donk on March 17, 2010 - 12:15 am
http://andiamnotlying.com/2010/types-of-bitches/
#36 by Loki on March 17, 2010 - 9:25 am
That is one of the funniest things I’ve seen lately!
#37 by Mz Fitz on March 17, 2010 - 10:13 am
Is that the best you’ve got Loki?!
See #85.
#38 by Loki on March 17, 2010 - 12:39 pm
Oh snap! Don’t make me get uncivil. I was just starting to feel nice with this spring weather peeking through the clouds. I’m reading William Blake and listening to the new Drive By Truckers album.
#39 by Mz Fitz on March 17, 2010 - 12:53 pm
… which would make you either #41 or #43.
Which reminds me, I may need to borrow you axe on Friday.
#40 by Mz Fitz on March 17, 2010 - 1:09 pm
I take that back. Definitely #76.
#41 by Donk on March 17, 2010 - 1:11 pm
You’re both a couple of #16’s.
#42 by belmont, yo on March 17, 2010 - 1:57 pm
I got 90 problems, and a bitch is ALL of them…
…or something.
#43 by Loki on March 17, 2010 - 2:05 pm
I’m a #27
#44 by Loki on March 17, 2010 - 2:06 pm
You can borrow my axe as long as you’re not a #12.
#45 by Mz Fitz on March 17, 2010 - 3:54 pm
Call me a #26.
#46 by Donk on March 17, 2010 - 4:31 pm
I don’t know why I keep closing my window with the list in it. I have to keep checking it every 5 minutes to follow this convo.
I expect to see some of ya’ll dusty trick bitches at the bar tonight.
#47 by Floozy on March 17, 2010 - 10:54 pm
Ahahaha fucking class… she left off ‘Massive Chip on the Shoulder Bitches”
#48 by Floozy on March 18, 2010 - 8:40 am
Dammit…
http://s10.zetaboards.com/SOTF_V2/topic/603683/1/
91) Always has to spoil shit bitches
#49 by Donk on March 18, 2010 - 9:37 am
Awesome St. Patrick’s Day(night). Hope ya’ll had as much fun as I did!
#50 by belmont yo on March 18, 2010 - 10:04 am
sigh.
#51 by Floozy on March 18, 2010 - 11:07 am
I thought this was from The Onion but apparently it’s true… http://www.abcactionnews.com/content/news/local/story/Black-people-must-leave-Walmart-announcer-says/9QCQM9tL4E6vvv1cqhGwrQ.cspx
#52 by Street on March 18, 2010 - 11:52 am
Cure for breast cancer found!
http://www.express.co.uk/posts/view/163367/Ice-cold-gas-kills-breast-cancer
#53 by belmont yo on March 18, 2010 - 12:08 pm
Dumb joke:
Why cant you fuck a Ukrainian prostitute?
Because Chernobyl fallout.
(yer knob’ll fall out)
/I’ll just show myself to the door…
#54 by shenanigans on March 18, 2010 - 2:16 pm
In other news, I have now been acquainted with cakefarts.com, much to my dismay.
#55 by belmont yo on March 18, 2010 - 2:21 pm
Ooof. Cakefarts is a bad one. What evil soul pointed you in that direction?
Here: myfoodlooksfunny.com
Cleanse.
#56 by shenanigans on March 18, 2010 - 2:26 pm
It was Facebook. Damn you!
#57 by belmont yo on March 18, 2010 - 2:40 pm
Told you to stay away from the book of faces. That shit is nuttin but grief.
And its getting worse:
http://abcnews.go.com/Politics/wireStory?id=10111664
#58 by shenanigans on March 18, 2010 - 2:46 pm
I don’t think the FBI would be interested in anything I do.
#59 by belmont yo on March 18, 2010 - 2:54 pm
Ahh, but what about one of your friends, who did have something to hide, *thought* they were talking to you but were really talking to Agent McSnufflepuss who had temporarily hijacked your identity?
Thats what they are talking about, among other things.
That said, facebook is still better than cakefarts.
#60 by shenanigans on March 19, 2010 - 8:55 am
Umm…my friends don’t really have anything to hide either, I don’t think. Besides, FB is the only thing to do while I’m sitting at my desk job waiting for confused lawyers to call. Since CVillain went to shit and all.
#61 by belmont yo on March 19, 2010 - 9:15 am
Dont get me wrong, Im not doggin you for playin on facebook. And Im hip, the internet has been all kinds of boring lately. Ah, cube life.
Not one post on cvillain in like 4 days. Tumbleweeds.
#62 by Floozy on March 19, 2010 - 9:45 am
I think Ian is doing an awesome job over there. There’s no drivel, no bitching, no fighting, no confrontation, no threats, no cussing, no cliques, no IM style conversation, no go-get-a-room carry on and no news.
Personally I think it’s fucking fantastic how fast he can clean up a dirty site.
#63 by belmont yo on March 19, 2010 - 9:47 am
That is hilarious.
#64 by Loki on March 19, 2010 - 10:26 am
Hilarious and so so so boring. And there hasn’t been a new article here in 8 days! Some blog this is!
#65 by belmont yo on March 19, 2010 - 10:39 am
I could post the shit I read at the last secretly yall, but its kinda depressing.
#66 by Loki on March 19, 2010 - 10:41 am
I wasn’t trying to guilt anyone! You and Donk keep shit afloat, I have to start holding up my end of the bargain.
#67 by Dante C on March 19, 2010 - 10:47 am
No cliques? Why not, can’t we make this high school?
And no, I will not sit with the band at lunch!
#68 by shenanigans on March 19, 2010 - 10:56 am
I have exhausted my search for workplace entertainment. I’ve read all of regretsy.com, thebloggess.com, failbooking.com, wwtdd.com, gofugyourself, textsfromlastnight, passiveagressivenotes.com, cracked.com, etc.
Somebody say something incendiary about something local so we can have some fun.
#69 by Donk on March 19, 2010 - 11:26 am
Yeah. I need to get to work on some things. I’ve been far too busy being a drunk lately. First order of business is getting the interview questions ready for the upcoming Hackensaw Boys interview. I’ve got a backlog of other stuff after that, but haven’t had time to do more than jot the topic down to remember it.
#70 by Donk on March 19, 2010 - 11:28 am
And yes… wwtdd.com has been letting me down lately. I’ve purposefully kept away from notalwaysright.com for a couple of months so that I’ll actually be able to spend more than 10 minutes there one day.
#71 by shenanigans on March 19, 2010 - 11:41 am
Read through notalwaysright too. I have reached the end of the internet.
#72 by Donk on March 19, 2010 - 11:48 am
Bwahahahahahaha!
#73 by belmont yo on March 19, 2010 - 11:52 am
aurgasm.us < ----amazing music site
http://www.escapemotions.com/experiments/flame/#top < -- awesome java drawing toy
http://www.nfb.ca/film/carts_of_darkness < ---- documentary about homeless shopping cart racing league
http://www.themonthly.com.au/video < ----interesting lectures
http://www.ted.com/ < --- even more interesting and funny lectures
http://news.bbc.co.uk/earth/hi/earth_news/newsid_8127000/8127519.stm < --- i for one welcome our new ant overlords
http://www.fazed.net/ <—link dump
#74 by shenanigans on March 19, 2010 - 1:54 pm
thanks for the links. But I’m thinking, fuck this office shit, I’m going to Ventana for lunch.
#75 by Donk on March 19, 2010 - 2:02 pm
I just had an incredible lunch at Ventana.
The mussels as an appetizer.
I had the Thai Steak Salad.
My friend had the avocado and crab stack.
For first dessert, we dipped baguettes in the mussels’ sauce. Second dessert was the Alsatian Apple tart.
holyomfggood.
And maybe a margarita or six.
#76 by Loki on March 19, 2010 - 4:41 pm
http://www.starwarsfail.com/2010/03/obi-wans-secret/
#77 by Street on March 20, 2010 - 12:58 pm
Thanks for reminding me, Loki. Move over, Scientology, here’s Jediism!
http://templeofthejediorder.org/
http://templeofthejediforce.org/
http://www.jedichurch.org/
#78 by Donk on March 22, 2010 - 11:16 am
So many hilarious things happened this weekend. One of my favorites….
I was standing outside of Zocalo, talking to a very drunk friend who was smoking a cigarette. My friend says, ‘oh… there’s something I was meaning to ask you’. Cue an obnoxious redneck and his 4 friends, walking past… one of the rednecks gets in his face and says ‘What?! What did you want to ask me?’.
My friends response: ‘How’s being bald working out for you?’
It was amazing. I don’t know how it didn’t turn into a fight.
#79 by shenanigans on March 22, 2010 - 11:39 am
Wow ^
#80 by Donk on March 22, 2010 - 11:44 am
@79
You get one guess as to who it was, and I’m certain you’ll guess correctly.
#81 by shenanigans on March 22, 2010 - 12:03 pm
G?
#82 by Doc on March 22, 2010 - 12:25 pm
M? Badass always be putting Bond in his place.
#83 by Donk on March 22, 2010 - 1:19 pm
@81,82
It was echo. Deadpan brilliance as usual.
#84 by shenanigans on March 22, 2010 - 1:57 pm
Ohhhhh. Awesomesauce. Nobody would fight with echo.
#85 by shenanigans on March 22, 2010 - 2:01 pm
Whoa, Loki…did you get threatened on cVillain? Or is that a movie quote?
#86 by Floozy on March 22, 2010 - 4:11 pm
#85 It’s a Star Wars quote. Bet he has a Star Wars comforter and wears storm trooper underpants.
#87 by Floozy on March 22, 2010 - 6:31 pm
This is funny to me.So there.
#88 by Loki on March 22, 2010 - 7:09 pm
Hahahaha thats awesome.
#89 by Street on March 22, 2010 - 11:32 pm
http://charlottesville.craigslist.org/lab/1655765615.html
#90 by shenanigans on March 23, 2010 - 10:14 am
@87: I prefer tiny bubbles. In my wine
#91 by Street on March 23, 2010 - 8:54 pm
Gawd.
http://gawker.com/5500197/your-new-hipster-slur-fauxhemians
#92 by Dante C on March 24, 2010 - 1:43 pm
Peter Chang has left TOC- if you didn’t make it now it’s over. http://bit.ly/bUjqUu
#93 by belmont, yo on March 24, 2010 - 2:01 pm
I just got a Nigerian 419 scam message on my goddamn cell phone? Spoofed return number and all (missed call: 000-000-0000)! Has this ever happened to anyone else?
If this becomes a trend, I will be very annoyed.
#94 by Floozy on March 24, 2010 - 10:50 pm
Sorry Byo…. I used your number when I was sending a Western Union payment to my business contact Umbijyo Oompanyagyo. My bad.I didn’t want to give mine because those Nigerians can be right dodgy bastards at the best of times.
#95 by belmont yo on March 25, 2010 - 2:16 am
Oh if thats all it is… no worries. No worries at all. Have at it.
#96 by shenanigans on March 25, 2010 - 10:25 am
It happened to me too, B yo. WTF?
#97 by belmont, yo on March 25, 2010 - 11:07 am
So, the nigerians have finally found out you can dial a phone from a computator machine and mask the origination, like on prank sites like this:
http://prankdialer.com/
And your phone cant block a number that doesn’t exist. There has to be a work around. I have to figure this one out, because if this spreads to all the exiled princes in nigeria, it would be very annoying.
#98 by Doc on March 25, 2010 - 12:19 pm
BYo, if you send me just $1,500 for expenses, I can make them stop calling, PLUS it will let me investigate their origins, and will result in a windfall reward of $250,000 which I will gladly give you 20% of ($50,000). I just need a little seed money to fire up my investigatory branches.
Act now! This is not a scam.
#99 by belmont, yo on March 25, 2010 - 12:26 pm
Thing that tripped me about it was the dude spoke *just like* the emails. And he used my full given name, middle included. Im not all that paranoid about it, but it was surreal.
I should have saved the message, exported the audio, auto-tuned it and laid down a fatty back beat for bonus weirdness.
#100 by Street on March 29, 2010 - 10:43 pm
From the Headlines That Write Themselves dept:
http://www2.dailyprogress.com/cdp/news/local/crime/article/police_man_exposed_himself_at_dicks/54175/
#101 by KCB on March 31, 2010 - 8:08 pm
Now that I’m an old SOB, there are few things than I appreciate more than a fine late afternoon/early evening buzz. You can get there any old way but having 3-4 quality microbews or most of a bottle of nice wine (and you get bonus points if you’re reading a book while you do it), it gives you that illusion of timelessness and class that most last night shots don’t.
This has been brought to you by Better Drinking through Delusion
#102 by shenanigans on April 1, 2010 - 9:43 am
^ Agree. I had a date with some wine and the sunset and a book last night. Verrrrrry nice.
Brewer, you need to figure out how we can make some homemade wine and gimme the instructions.
#103 by belmont, yo on April 7, 2010 - 3:57 pm
In other news, how much do you think it costs to fly to the Ukraine? I think I have a new raison d’etre, and its in the Ukraine of all places.
#104 by Floozy on April 7, 2010 - 6:06 pm
Oh fucking hell… Byo found a Russian Buy-a-Bride website.
#105 by belmont, yo on April 8, 2010 - 9:12 am
No… that would be “she’s” in the Ukraine, not “its” in the Ukraine. There is a month long party there every year, where some 50,000 ppl take over an island and create their own ‘country’. Makes Ibiza look like boy scout camp.
And it is my new mission to play there within the next three years.
#106 by shenanigans on April 8, 2010 - 12:44 pm
DO IT ^
#107 by belmont, yo on April 8, 2010 - 2:14 pm
Google “kaZantip”. Def my kind of lunatics.
Warning: Many many partially and oddly clad, drunken yet beautiful eastern european people. Maybe NSFW.
DJ’ing here is well, not many house music fans here. And I cant even bribe em with radio disco hits no more. Thats not a judgement (its my problem, not theirs), just a fact. Im either gonna radically change the format for, or retire (read: get fired) weds at the cafeteria. We’ll see… but i need a goal, and the Ukraine seems doable, as they solicit dj’s from all over the world and Im at least as good as half the folks they have playing – more so if Im not saddled with Britney. Plus I have a high tolerance for vodka.
/blah blah blah
#108 by Doc on April 8, 2010 - 2:26 pm
blah, blah, blah… isn’t that the new Kesha track?
#109 by belmont, yo on April 8, 2010 - 2:48 pm
Godamnnit.
#110 by shenanigans on April 9, 2010 - 10:24 am
@ B-yo: Yeah, I noticed in France how stupid they were for techno. You might be to Euro for C-ville. I say go for it!
#111 by belmont yo on April 9, 2010 - 11:22 am
So now I just have to figure out what *this town* wants in the mean time. Something thats not on the radio, and that know no one else is doing… I aint no music nazi, and Im up for anything, but is a puzzle.
I think I will update the books I used to play out of at atomic burrito – fun, weird and eclectic – but other than that, I am truly out of ideas.
#112 by Donk on April 9, 2010 - 11:42 am
I’ve still never heard you use the 2 Skinnee J’s album I gave you. That’s what *this* town wants.
/*this* town may or may not mean ‘me’.
#113 by shenanigans on April 9, 2010 - 12:41 pm
@111: Doesn’t everyone nut themselves over mashups?
#114 by belmont yo on April 9, 2010 - 1:10 pm
Mashups is how I rolled at atomic and I still have millions of them, so… we’ll see. 2 skinny j’s would fit into a set like that as well. I just figured that if I switched up wed’s to be something other than thump thump, some folks that like me, but hate the thump might pop round every now and then, yaknow? Fridays thumping will remain thumpy.