It has finally happened. My facebook account teeters on the brink of abandonment. No, I didn’t get an add from the parents. Long ago, I explained in detail why they would ruin facebook if they joined. However, this add is only about one Kevin Bacon away. My aunt has sent me a friend request.
Now, I have nothing against my aunt. She’s a perfectly nice person, and lives several states away. However, something about it just takes the shine out of having an active facebook social life. I understand that you are supposed to keep your profile nicely groomed in case of potential employers or the parole board. And I’ve managed to keep beer pong table cameos to a minimum. I’ve de-tagged most pictures that clearly show me in a state of inebriation. I’ve even gone back and removed many status updates that seemed somewhat irresponsible in hindsight. Unfortunately, one cannot underestimate the speed at which good family gossip travels. Now that everyone is mobile uploading their drunken antics within moments of the questionable activities, there’s simply no time to react. To be honest, I didn’t even know I went to Foxfield last year until I saw myself in attendance all over facebook.
Before you start telling me about how you can create groups and limit what they can view, and blah blah blah. I know. I’ve heard it. I recently dated a girl that tried several times to explain how to do it, but as she can attest… I have the attention span of a chipmunk on methamphetamines. It has taken me 15 minutes just to write this paragraph because shiny cars keep driving past my window. So, for lack of sweet facebook hacking skills… my profile is pretty much all or nothing. I guess I have figured out how to block people on chat, but that’s just a simple drag and drop. This leaves me with only the stall tactic. I can ignore the invite forever, but I see the other members of my immediate family accepting it; and gradually my keeping her in facebook limbo becomes more and more apparent.
What do you guys do when you receive the inevitable relative request? I know quite a few people that seem to get a wallpost or status comment every single day from a parent. In fact, some of those people put some of the sluttiest and most questionable content on their pages. I like to think that their parents cry a lot. You can’t un-read how your daughter *really* uses that fancy showerhead you got her for Christmas. Nor can you un-see her taking body shots off of a complete stranger (This almost segues into another favorite topic of mine, “How facebook is making your attention whore daughters really step up their game”).
One trend that I’m seeing more often these days is the pseudonym account. Apparently, I’m friends with television stars, communist dictators, and people that are suddenly going by a different last name. Is this the last ditch effort? Were those people right all along? I don’t know. It just seems like too much effort to start over.
And on the flipside of things… how do the parents feel about this? Is this not the ultimate in overbearing? My life constantly proves to me that ignorance is bliss, so I feel like friending your hormonal offspring is like opening Pandora’s box. I have a pretty good idea of who our readership is here. I mean, there are only about six of you. Is there a lurker out there that has a child old enough to have a facebook account? Was it worth it? Do you feel like you ruined your kid’s good time, or did they just crush your hopes of what little Johnny/Samantha might amount to some day?
#1 by Rachel on February 11, 2010 - 10:01 am
When I was growing up we had this rule in my house: A closed door is a locked door. (Meaning, don’t go busting down closed doors and if you do, and see something you don’t want to see, that’s your fault.) I guess that’s how I feel about my relatives and facebook. If they really want to be friends and comb through all my pictures and then they see something they didn’t want to see…well, why the hell did they look? As for seeing things *you* didn’t want to see, I recommend repression. It’s got a bad rap for how much it gets things done.
#2 by Loki on February 11, 2010 - 10:52 am
This is interesting Donk but what I find more interesting is finding out that your security settings to someone else’s page have been restricted. You’re still friends with them but you can’t view any of the stuff on their page that you could view before. This is like the one-way mirror of FB stalking and when I find people have done that to me I defriend them. You want to peer into my life but I can’t peer into yours? Why bother!
Did you know that they’re making a movie about FB/social media and Justin Timberlake is playing Shawn Fanning? Shark jumping anyone?
#3 by rhymes with orange on February 11, 2010 - 12:44 pm
I think Rachel’s got the right idea. I’m “friends” with my mom, my friends’ parents, my second-cousin’s girlfriend, selective coworkers, and friends of my parents. I got a pretty clean image and keep the status updates pretty G-rated – but that’s just who I am. I look at it the other way: why would someone want to friend me? I’m a HORRIBLE facebook companion. I update my status several times throughout the week (not daily, though) and I’m a farmville fanatic. Yeah, I said it. I play farmville. don’t judge. I also publish a lot of farmville updates to help out my other farmville buddies. This I know is annoying to facebook friends, but f it. If you don’t like it, unfriend me. I don’t care, suckah. Additionally, I don’t think I’ve ever turned down a facebook friend request, Ok maybe one, but I typically go through my friends list quarterly and purge friends. You don’t update your page or status? Gone. Don’t publish pictures often? Gone. Otherwise seem pretty inactive? Gone. We were acquiantances in high school, have’t talked since graduation, just found out you’re a baby daddy? Immagonna keep you and watch it unfold.
Other than farmvilling out the wazoo, I use my account for pictures. During my friend purge, I also ask myself if so-and-so really needs to be privy to my vacation pictures. I could block people as Donk suggests, but I really find it easier to just delete friends altogether.
A personal goal for me is to keep my facebook friends around 100. 100 seems like a lot, but just look at how many “friends” you’ve acquired since signing up. you slut.
#4 by Donk on February 11, 2010 - 4:23 pm
@1,@3
I was raised Catholic, and went to Catholic middle/high school. Self guilt is deeply ingrained in everything I do. I feel certain that somehow it will come back to haunt me. And to deal with that guilt, I follow the traditional Catholic passtime. I drink myself silly.
@2
Absolutely great point, and worthy of its own article. Give me time, and I’ll put something together for that. I happened across one of those recently, saw the person at an event, and then found myself ‘unrestricted’. I guess I passed the litmus for profile viewing. Oh, social media and the awkward situations that arise from it.
#5 by Floozy on February 11, 2010 - 5:14 pm
Me me me… I have a kid with a facebook account! He sent me a friend request and I told him to stick it. Seriously, I told him he was crazy. I do not want to be party to his retarded friend messages which are all textspeak BS and innumerable updates on the latest “How popular are YOU?” quiz results . Likewise, why would he want to read the shit I post?
Oh and Donk get over the Catholic thing… just remember they all turned out to be pedo hypocrites. It makes the defiance so much easier.
#6 by rhymes with orange on February 11, 2010 - 5:15 pm
@2 how do you do that?
the thing that sucks the most about having family on facebook is that they don’t know how to use it. It could also be a blessing in disguise for you, Donk. I have a family member who thinks she doesn’t have a profile page.
#7 by Floozy on February 11, 2010 - 5:57 pm
RWO….just got a really weird gmail from you saying access denied and all these scary error codes… try again?
#8 by rhymes with orange on February 11, 2010 - 5:59 pm
yea I clicked that link you sent back in Dec. I can’t access it at work. that’s all.
I will check your adult content at home.
#9 by Floozy on February 11, 2010 - 6:00 pm
Here it is…ooh are you sending me naughties?
Access Denied (content_filter_denied)
Your request was denied because of its content categorization: “Adult Content;Adult Material”
For assistance, contact your network support team.
#10 by Floozy on February 11, 2010 - 6:02 pm
Here you go…
Can I flush your head in a toilet while blasting Hall & Oates? m4w
Date: 2009-10-13, 6:21PM EDT
I want to flush your head repeatedly in the toilet while making love to your behind. Hall & Oates will be playing at top volume, at some point “Highway to the Danger Zone” will be played for sure. My house smells amazing and my penis is not sick or deformed. Don’t act like you haven’t thought about this exact scenario before.
#11 by rhymes with orange on February 11, 2010 - 6:04 pm
you’re sending me the naughties!
I love Hall and Oates. Sara Smile gives me warm fuzzies. Maybe I should respond to the post. HA.
#12 by echo on February 12, 2010 - 3:30 pm
I don’t censor my Facebook nearly as much as I should, but that’s because I need those pictures of me retardedly drunk to remember that I was retardedly drunk. I have my privacy settings pretty high so only my friends can see anything. As for my parents/family members, I only friend people in my generation, siblings, siblings-in-law, cousins, etc. I wouldn’t accept/request friendship from my parents, aunts, uncles. There are somethings that they don’t need to see.
#13 by Secretly Y'all on February 15, 2010 - 1:23 pm
@1 OK, I’m an asshole. My dad just scolded me for saying “f-ing” in my status. I’m pretty sure he was kidding. Maybe.
#14 by Floozy on February 17, 2010 - 2:36 pm
OMG… RWO is killing it over on Cvillain!!!! Seriously riding Ian’s ballz.
#15 by rhymes with orange on February 18, 2010 - 10:15 am
dems fightin’ words.
he’s not tempted to respond. srsly, that guy sucks at cVillain.
#16 by shenanigans on February 22, 2010 - 12:33 pm
Srsly, let’s make him cry.
#17 by rhymes with orange on February 22, 2010 - 4:08 pm
he hasn’t answered any of my questions
#18 by Floozy on February 22, 2010 - 6:19 pm
RWO…Did you use big wurds?
#19 by rhymes with orange on February 23, 2010 - 9:03 am
i don’t think so. I think he knows that he sucks at Cvillian dictator and doesn’t want to acknowledge it.
#20 by shenanigans on February 23, 2010 - 9:54 am
I think he’s too busy going in and out of court. Today he’s there for false charges against the guy whose girlfriend he stole while the guy was stationed in Iraq. And next month, he gets sentenced for the assault and abduction of his girlfriend before that. Busy boy!
#21 by rhymes with orange on February 23, 2010 - 11:28 am
he must have some moves
#22 by belmont yo on February 23, 2010 - 2:45 pm
Such a bad state of affairs over at cvillain. I cant hardly bear a click anymore.
#23 by shenanigans on February 24, 2010 - 10:55 am
Don’t contribute to it, B Yo and maybe it will go away.
#24 by shenanigans on February 24, 2010 - 10:56 am
In other news, my parents just became my friends on Facebook. This should make holidays interesting.
#25 by echo on March 4, 2010 - 3:34 pm
I just received a friend request from some girl I have never heard of, and this is her current status:
” Jacquelynn Miyamoto whats going on i just uploaded my images photographs http://www.welchlaynor.info/?post_id=533908 (please register to prove your age) im naked”
And Facebook just officially turned into MySpace, time of death: 3:34PM.
#26 by Floozy on March 4, 2010 - 4:29 pm
@25 Maybe they could bury it along with Cvillain and get a buy-one-eCoffin and-get-one-free deal.
#27 by brewer998 on March 29, 2010 - 2:25 pm
I’m coming in way late on this one, I know, but I’m new to the site and was doing some catch-up reading.
I actually have a 14 year old son who has a FB account. I’ve always been pretty honest with him and I limit what I do on FB, so it’s fine with me that he has an account and that I’ve friended him.
In fact, I do SMS subscriptions for his posts, so it’s an awesome way to spy on him. One condition I put on his having an account is that I will have his password at all times. If he ever changes it and “forgets” to tell me, he better hope I don’t do a spot-check. I told him if I ever couldn’t login to his account, even once, that is privilege would be indefinately suspended.
It works out okay, except that kids post the dumbest shit on FB. So, aside from having to wade through that teen fad-of-the-moment constantly, it’s okay.