As I was dressing myself in all black again this morning I started thinking about my own interminable sense of self-loathing. I really think I am getting it down to a science! My Joy Division records all have scratches in them, the PBR is flat for some reason, and I’m out of clove cigarettes. To make matters worse, all my friends want to do is have fun. I went to a standup comedy show last night at BelRio and actually laughed. I felt so guilty for enjoying myself that I had to throw up when I got home. Only I couldn’t throw up ’cause I hadn’t eaten all day. This just depressed me, and then I felt better so I went to sleep with dreams of hate and despair floating through my brain.
Happy Thursday!
#1 by Donk on October 8, 2009 - 10:47 am
Great. Now everyone is going to figure out that Loki is Morrissey.
#2 by Loki on October 8, 2009 - 10:56 am
Yes. I am the pope of mope.
#3 by belmont, yo on October 8, 2009 - 11:07 am
Pope, schmope, I am enmeshed in a case of the blues the likes of which the world has never seen.
To make matters worse, all my friends want to do is have fun.
See, but you have those. I go for whole days not speaking a single word. Its fucking freaky to go to sleep realizing that no one even noticed whether you are alive or dead that whole day.
I tried drinking, I tried not drinking. I have tried meds. I have tried exercise. I have tried nutrition. I tried losing weight. I have tried writing. I have tried therapy. I have tried ‘joining groups’. I have tried fixing my house up all fly. I have tried fucking everything and still all I am is hollow, lonely and sad…
I a fucking so sick of trying. Fucking sick of it.
tl/dr: my funk can beat up your funk
#4 by rhymes with orange on October 8, 2009 - 11:11 am
cool bush
hhehehe
#5 by Loki on October 8, 2009 - 11:42 am
TWSS?
#6 by Donk on October 8, 2009 - 1:34 pm
B yo, I disagree. I don’t think that there has been a single multi-villain get together that we didn’t wonder where you were/how you were doing. You’ve got quite the fan club.
You should also come to my parties when invited. They’re life-changing. There’s something special about taping your hands to those of another person, with only a lukewarm bottle of Olde English 800 between you. That something is mostly backwash, but it’s the backwash that you’ll treasure for a lifetime.
#7 by shenanigans on October 8, 2009 - 6:29 pm
Ooh, this is awesome. I hate my job. I can’t say it on Facebook. MY JOB WILL BE THE DEATH OF ME Y’ALL. ok, that is all.
#8 by Floozy on October 9, 2009 - 9:56 am
I hate the day to day drudgery of being a Mom. I hate laundry, chicken fucking nuggets,macaroni and cheese and homework.
I want a nanny…one with a face like a baboon’s ass so my husband won’t fuck her. Done.
#9 by Street on October 9, 2009 - 9:58 am
Why do my roommates always have to be fucking crazy slobs? I think the streets would be a saner environment than my current predicament/shabby hovel/domicile of despair and lies.
Gah.
#10 by Loki on October 9, 2009 - 10:08 am
I love the time of year when the misery bush blooms. If there’s one thing the internet is good for it is uniting us in our frustrations and despair.
#11 by Toaster Strudel on October 9, 2009 - 10:43 am
All of you guys need to smoke a lot more dope
#12 by Street on October 9, 2009 - 11:49 am
Well, one thing brightened my day. I discovered and destroyed a worm on a friends computer that she got from Facebook. Helping others always brings a smile to my heart.
#13 by Floozy on October 9, 2009 - 4:00 pm
Toaster that gravatar is pure unadulterated awesomenes.s
#14 by Toaster Strudel on October 9, 2009 - 4:30 pm
thanks floozy
your avatar still terrifies me
#15 by Floozy on October 9, 2009 - 5:06 pm
Ha… it’s just me with a tequila hangover. Bet you’ve woken up beside worse.
#16 by Toaster Strudel on October 9, 2009 - 5:28 pm
I knew it looked familiar
Ive been seeing a therapist for years to make those nightmares stop
#17 by Floozy on October 9, 2009 - 5:30 pm
OMFG was that YOU?
#18 by Toaster Strudel on October 9, 2009 - 5:36 pm
I mean, I was there.
I can hardly remember which of the 5 people in the bed were me.
#19 by Floozy on October 9, 2009 - 5:40 pm
I know… your family are so over friendly.
#20 by Toaster Strudel on October 9, 2009 - 5:45 pm
we are a giving people
we were glad to have such a willing receiver
#21 by Floozy on October 9, 2009 - 5:59 pm
I know! How cool to bring in the whole football to cheer him on.
#22 by Toaster Strudel on October 9, 2009 - 6:14 pm
of course he couldnt have done it without your ‘guidance’
#23 by belmont, yo on October 19, 2009 - 8:33 am
So seriously, how does one shake off a funk? Anyone have any ideas? Cuz this is getting old fast.
#24 by Donk on October 19, 2009 - 12:10 pm
Hobbies, projects, and being social, b yo. Just gotta keep yourself busy.
#25 by Street on October 19, 2009 - 12:15 pm
I shake off my funk with a squeegee. Now that you’re done vomiting, I suggest spending time with good friends. If they are in short supply, make some new ones. Change your routine, shake up whatever rut you find yourself in. Y’know, I’m 42 today, and I’d love to do something besides getting drunk, but I can’t think of anything…how fucked up is that? Perhaps I need to listen to my own advice.
#26 by Donk on October 19, 2009 - 1:50 pm
Happy Birthday Street!
#27 by rhymes with orange on October 19, 2009 - 2:25 pm
“focus on the positive” – example: my job sucks, it’s boring and not at all challenging, but at least I have a steady paycheck and benefits.
have something planned to look forward to. that makes the days go by faster. it doesn’t have to involve money.
#28 by Street on October 19, 2009 - 3:07 pm
Thanks, Donk. =)
#29 by belmont, yo on October 19, 2009 - 3:26 pm
Thanks guys. Things’ll turn around sooner or later Im sure.
And happy 42nd trip around the sun, there, street old bean.
#30 by Donk on October 19, 2009 - 3:32 pm
I vote that you start writing some of that content you said you’d create for us. If it’s anything like the bear story, we’re all doomed to violent laughing deaths.
#31 by belmont, yo on October 19, 2009 - 3:51 pm
What would you like to hear a story about? Give me three topics, general or specific, and I’ll see if I can stir something up…
/its the getting started that is the hardest part.
#32 by Street on October 19, 2009 - 6:48 pm
I would like to hear a story about magnetics, free energy & the demise of the gasholes. Or, if you prefer, magpies, banana peels & alcohol.
#33 by rhymes with orange on October 20, 2009 - 12:01 pm
dick jokes always cheer me up
#34 by Donk on October 20, 2009 - 1:35 pm
b yo, I know you’re up to your elbows in good stories. Let’s hear them. Not having been around for your whole life, it’s tough to name specific topics… but I’d imagine that you saw some crazy stuff out on that left coast.
#35 by belmont, yo on October 20, 2009 - 2:49 pm
I once wanted to write a series of essays of things that happened to me on busses. Things always seemed to happen to me on busses. They would be very short essays though….
Lately, I’ve been busy posting fake personals on Craigslist.
I dont know any dick jokes, unless we’re talking about Cheney, but that truly was more frightening than funny.
#36 by Donk on October 20, 2009 - 4:15 pm
Here’s your chance. Call it a recurring series. In my experience, it’s best to get these things committed to text before drugs and alcohol erase too many details.
#37 by Floozy on October 21, 2009 - 11:59 am
@35 Brock Maplechest? Oh and what the fuck happened to your spelling?
#38 by belmont, yo on October 21, 2009 - 12:35 pm
@ 37 Yours truly, barbie.
@ 36 If I post some here, do I still have publishing rights, or does loki own them? Because last night, during my usual insomniatic insanity, I expanded and tweaked the idea a little, and suddenly a whole stupid book came out – could see the title, forward and everything… chapter after chapter forming in my brain. It was odd, thats never happened before. Of course I have forgotten half of it, but I have the kernal, and if you have that, then the little bits can come and go as they please.
Of course floozy would have to spell check it for me…
#39 by Donk on October 21, 2009 - 12:46 pm
I’ll check with Loki. I would assume that you retain them, and I’ll be pretty upset if I lose rights to anything. I highly doubt that’s the case. Keep an eye on your email for information.
#40 by Floozy on October 21, 2009 - 1:00 pm
@38 BTW a thousand curses on you for sending me into that pixilated cesspit.
(ps do you have Brock’s cell phone by any chance?)
#41 by Loki on October 21, 2009 - 1:34 pm
B’yo it’s all yours. This site isn’t a pseudo Cvillain thing. We’ve met in person. You know me. I’ll even make you an admin if you want – Donk and I would be honored to have your stories here!
#42 by belmont, yo on October 21, 2009 - 2:16 pm
@ 41 That would be cool. It would be a good way to get some feedback and whatnot, but if I ever get enough good stuff together, I’d like to self publish a small run of copies for friends and stuff. They may very well suck, though, too. How does one admin?
@ 40 Hey, Its what I do. And yes i do.
#43 by Loki on October 21, 2009 - 2:39 pm
I’m emailing you some account information shortly.
#44 by schrodingers_petting_zoo on October 21, 2009 - 4:03 pm
I wont touch anything but the “quick press” box. Promise.
#45 by Street on October 22, 2009 - 3:13 pm
“Chocolate raspberry trifle: Layers of chocolate cake with raspberry liquor, fresh raspberries, and thyme honey pastry cream, topped with whipped cream and chile infused, ganache dipped raspberries.”
Y’know, I HATE my chef friends who live 1,300 miles away. I think I got fatter just reading that description.
#46 by Loki on October 22, 2009 - 4:34 pm
Holy shit, Street, that sounds good.
#47 by Street on October 29, 2009 - 5:28 pm
Link of Miserable Scientists
#48 by Street on October 31, 2009 - 12:25 pm
You want misery? I’ll give you misery! Howzabout a robotic alarm clock that goes off, then watches you. When you get near it, it runs away, all the while ringing its little ass off. In my world, it’d be “The Little Bot That Died A Quick And Horrible Death”.